Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
