I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
