I puked a lego.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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