Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize