It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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