How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
