so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
