im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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