she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
