We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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