Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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