i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
