I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
