I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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