I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
