garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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