I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
