Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
