bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
