he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She bit a glass in half.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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