i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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