But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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