The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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