Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
