Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
