He told me they were just razor bumps!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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