all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bring me that man meat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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