i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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