hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
