i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize