I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
