you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
