New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
