i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize