i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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