are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
