There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
