a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
