the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
