So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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