so explain again why im purple
no
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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