the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
