That's intense
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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