i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
