Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
