Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
