ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Congratulations! We have a period
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