a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
