I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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