I wish I could teleport
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
