I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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