but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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