"it" just moved
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
