here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
