I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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