dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
