It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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