im holly from the hills drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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