there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
