I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize