i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
