sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
