i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
