I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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