Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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