If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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