normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
