I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
