pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
