Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
