Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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