I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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