i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
