Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
