i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
