is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
