She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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