all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
