i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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