yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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